Mike White, please consider these actors for Season 2 of The White Lotus

Semi-realistic, semi-insane choices

Mike White influenced my childhood deeply by writing School of Rock and now he influences my adulthood writing one of the best series of 2021. The White Lotus is an incredible dark comedy following various wealthy guests as they run amok at the titular resort. White has destroyed any interest I had in watching Nine Perfect Strangers because his show is clearly the superior resort-set series of 2021. On the wind of HBO renewing the show of a second series with an all new cast set at another White Lotus resort, I’ve taken careful consideration to hypothesise my dream cast for this next iteration. 

Emma Roberts

Star of the hit film Little Italy, Emma Roberts is someone I love to hate. I first saw her in the vapid teen drama Palo Alto, then soon after as queen bee Chanel Oberlin in Ryan Murphy’s B-movie slasher series Scream Queens; her ability to play privilege should not be slept on by HBO. For this, I see her as some influencer type whose shallow existence starts to haunt her, or more fittingly she stays empty and self-absorbed the entire time and somehow comes out on top. (This was a suggestion first made by Michael Sun, I’m merely continuing to push this agenda).

Greta Lee

The amazing thing White Lotus has done is given under appreciated actors like Jennifer Coolidge, Murray Bartlett and Steve Zahn the spotlight they deserve, and Greta Lee is long deserving of this treatment. She’s been doing amazing work in indie television and films over the years and managed to steal some of the spotlight from Natasha Lyonne in Russian Doll which should not be as easy as she made it look. She has played some insane characters in the past and I want to see more of her insanity in this.

Christopher Meloni

I want Detective Stabler in anything and everything. Outside of SVU he’s done some pretty goofy stuff (like shitting himself at a halloween party) and his Instagram is pretty insane. I see him in the role of a recently cancelled Hollywood actor going to the resort to get away from the press. I think we deserve a show that puts Meloni in the melon outfit.

Marisa Tomei

Did you know that Marisa Tomei is an anagram of “Its a me Mario”? That alone is enough to cast her in this. What a treasure. I’m bringing her in as the wife of Chris Meloni’s cancelled actor, I feel like this would be a stellar pairing of New Yorkers at the resort. It would be a slightly different vibe than what we’ve seen in Season 1, but this is anthology baby!! Gotta keep things feeling fresh.

Brendan Fraser

His time is now, everyone. Within a year, Brendan Fraser will be back in full swing and I couldn’t be more thrilled. The talented comedic leading man of my childhood is now the fascinating character actor returning to overdue stardom. We’ve wanted it for so many years and it’s so close. I want to see him as the owner of the White Lotus resort franchise. He’s the top dog, but he’s a little bit quiet and timid.

Billy Magnussen

I feel like this is too obvious a choice considering how often he is typecast at playing rich pretty boys, but he is so very, very good at playing rich pretty boys. I know they said that characters might have some crossover so I can see him being friends with Jake Lacy’s Shane. I feel like there has to be a rich mama’s boy in every season of White Lotus but rather than have him be bratty and sinister like Shane, make him more like his character in Game Night and have him be a bit dense.

Martha Plimpton

I feel like I’m cheating here. I basically just want to see her character from Generation in this show. The super clingy, performative mother who is wealthy, super religious and very homophobic. Whether she is playing someone’s mother in this or even Armand’s role as the hotel concierge, she would deliver the necessary uncomfortable cringe we need. Maybe she is playing Billy Magnussen’s mother! That’s a top fan-cast right there.

Geraldine Viswanathan 

I felt obliged to include one Australian actor in here to continue the trend Murray Bartlett’s casting began, although it’s not a trend as there has only been one season but lets hope they make it one. Geraldine is a really strong newcomer straddling studio comedies like Blockers with dramatic indies like Hala and Bad Education. I can see her here as one of the more earnest characters who is maybe a bit misguided and oblivious of how her actions affect others (I mean, that’s basically everyone in this show but I feel like it’s more tragic when the characters are trying to do the right thing).

Colman Domingo

Probably my favourite actor working today, Colman is a year or two away from massive awards recognition. Out of all of his stellar performances, I’m focusing on one specifically and that’s his role as host of his own talk show, Bottomless Brunch with Colman, where he makes cocktails for his guests. So for White Lotus, I’m transposing this image of tropical Colman into the resort. Focusing on a different type of hotel worker rather than a concierge or masseuse like Season 1, I wanna see Colman making cocktails while juggling whatever antics the guests throw at him. Alternatively I see him as a very exuberant guest with a lot of ego. Take your pick.

Mike White

Ned Schneebly himself and the creator of this show. We must see him act in this at some point. He’s co-starred in Enlightened, another show he’s created, so this doesn’t seem out of the question. Now that he has one season under his belt, he should give himself the chance to perform in this world. I mean the hotel is literally named after him, let us see him!!

That’s my cast. I hope you’re hyped. I would watch this season. I mean, I’m gonna watch whatever cast Season 2 produces but it’s fun to fantasise. I’m gonna check back here in a year and see if any of these actually end up in the cast.